1. The cancer causing sun.The sun is terrible for you. If it's not making you sweat to death it's blinding you with its horrible bright light. And oh by the way, it also causes cancer. NBD. Did you know cancer is bad for you? It's true. You know what keeps cancer away besides blinds and a rotating earth and sunglasses? Hats. Men invented hats to keep the sun out of their lives. Soon after figuring out fire and how to bring down a wooly mammoth, men started putting wolf skins on their heads to keep the sun away. Nothing brings down a good saber tooth hunt like the hot sun. You need a hat. Your ancestors knew it. Hats. Cure. Cancer. Trust us, we're from the Internets.
2. Hair WashingDid you know the earth is facing a water shortage in the future? It's true. Do you know what the greatest waste of water is? Washing your hair. In the olden days people washed their hair once a week at best. They knew what was up. But in the vane world of 1720 AD (uh phantom time hypothesis, look it up) we are told to wash our hair daily. BIG SHAMPOO is on to something folks and that something is beach houses and foreign cars. It takes a lot of Pert Plus sales to buy a Ferrari. But when you wake up your hair is all flat and matted. That's the second reason men invented hats. You throw a hat on and you're good to go. In fact, by skipping a shower you can be ready and out the door in 10 minutes. Think of all the time you'll save for activities like garage karate. Hats save time. Hats save water. Hats should win a Nobel Peace Prize. The mesh hat may be the greatest invention since Google+.
3. Don't trust a man with unhatted hair
It's true. Some of history's most evil men had good hair or scalps they liked to brazenly show off. Scott Disick, great hair lousy husband. Shooter McGavin, Dean Cheese Pritchard, Joffrey Baratheon first of his name, Lord Voldemort, The Joker, the guy from Despicable Me, Coriolanus Snow, Uncle Rico, the short guy from the Princess Bride, the prince from the Princess Bride, Mr. Burns, Gargamel, must I go on? You know who believed in keeping his head covered? A little guy named Jesus of Nazareth. Hats keep your dirty hair covered and your clean hair prideless. You don't want to cause envy in less hair blessed men do you? Keep that to yourself.
In closing, I hope you'll CLICK THIS LINK to keep your head covered this summer. And since you're already here you may as well buy our new mesh hat. CLICK LINKS BUY SEO. Nailed it.
Production Coordinator Headwear