5 Reasons You Need a Parlewe Terry Cloth Polo in Your Life
There are many reasons a person buys a polo but you may be asking yourself, why terry cloth? And why Parlewe? So let me regale you with seven reasons you need a Terry Cloth polo in your life, 80% of which I made up and the other 25%*** conjecture at best.
1. It’s Soft.
Studies have shown the Parlewe Polo is what Hercules would have worn had he worn a shirt. Now maybe you don’t need to slay the nine-headed Lernaean Hydra today, but let’s face it, conference calls are probably worse. No matter what’s on your calendar each day you need suitable armor. Gird yourself in the softest polo in human history. It’s what the gods would want. This isn’t some towel shirt. This is velvety soft terry cloth that will make people touch you in public. It happens. What color would Hercules wear? Probably pink. Just a guess. It’s what we have the most stock of right now. Click this here.
2. It’s Usable Comfort
You know those rich people you see on Instagram who seem like they’re wearing their bathing suits in the Caribbean pretty much every day of the week even when they’re eating a small plate of exotic fruit at some restaurant? A Terry Cloth polo is like that. It’s a polo with a collar you can wear pretty much anywhere, so soft it’s like wearing pajamas everywhere you go. Need to go to court whilst also feeling like your poolside? Problem solved. It’s a recreation tuxedo bro. Why was court the one example I used for a place you’d need a collared shirt? I don’t know, seems like dressing up for court could help you get out of that speeding ticket. Use your brain. These are life lessons. Write them down.
3. The Hippo
Our shirt has a Hippo on it. Have you ever seen a shirt with a Hippo on it? Didn’t think so. Did you know the hippopotamus is the most deadly animal in all of Africa? Yeah those fat water horses. They can run like 100 mph. But if you leave them alone they will just sit in the cool water all day. At night they get out and eat, all night long. What a life. They’re like Instagram celebrities. That’s what wearing a Terry Cloth polo is like. It says you’re a man of leisure and maybe some people won’t take you seriously. But then they mess with you and you kill them. Like the hippo. It happens.
You like Cornhole? Who doesn’t. Did you know a Terry Cloth polo makes you 36% more likely to win at Cornhole? You play your best when you’re comfortable. So get a few beers deep while you wear this and you’ll be throwing hole-ins like a pro. I once saw a man in Reno in a Terry Cloth Polo score 21 in one inning. Don’t know how. Life’s mysteries bro. He said the best color shirt for Cornhole was navy. I never question a man who scores a 21 with 3 bean bags.
Ever heard of it? You may think that it’s the fancy equipment that lowers your scores but in reality it’s all about what you’re wearing. A Terry Cloth polo has some give in it enabling you to wind up a little harder and hit the ball about 20 yards longer*** on average. I wore a Parlewe Terry Cloth polo to the local golf store the other day and jumped on the Trackman launch monitor. I was getting up to 110 mph with an 11º launch angle. I don’t know what any of this means but I do know I hit a 3 wood through the brick wall in the back of the little launch monitor cave. Busted a hole clean through the strip mall. Now those are results you can measure. Terry Cloth. It’s like steroids but in fabric.
I could go on but I think you get the point. If you want a polo shirt that will give you the benefits of steroids, the comfort of pajamas, and the businessness of a legal pad, you need a recreation tuxedo. You need a Parlewe Terry Cloth polo. Trust us, we’re from the internets.
—Dave (contributing editor)
*** We're well aware 80% + 25% doesn't equal 100%. Math Nerd